We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
