I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
