Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
