Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
