So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
