Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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