When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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