I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
