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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  he's a keeper

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."

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• (954): View more from Florida

  I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?

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• (406): View more from Montana

  To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.

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• (+32): View more from Belgium

  You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...

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• (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!

  (1-970): View more from Colorado

  She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!

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• (509): View more from Washington

  I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night

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