my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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