Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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