are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
