Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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