I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
