oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
