we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
be right there i have to get my cape
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
