Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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