im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
how does that bad decision feel?
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