Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
