Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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