Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
