The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
