RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
