What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
and she was petting her beer can
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
