I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
