Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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