I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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