so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we're making bets on your personal life
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
