thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
