No, drunk sperm still make babies.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
