He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
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