he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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