I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
