Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
