someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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