My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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