I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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