so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
