I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
