are you so shy because you have an std?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
