I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
