Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
