i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
