the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
