Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
