god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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