im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
