I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
