you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
