i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
